My next pending birthday is a skip over another hill. This time I am definitely feeling old. Thirty was hard. Forty and fifty, not so hard. This one. . . this next one feels old to me.
However, I feel like I've lived a good life. I'm not afraid to die, though I might fear the manner if it involves pain.
Lately I've been thinking I need to get my life "in order." What would my kids do if I kicked the bucket? Would they know where to look for information about my life, my banking, my investments, my will, my advance directive?
Before my last surgery, I started to go over these things with my oldest son who took me to the hospital. He didn't want to talk about it. "Nothing's going to happen," he said and dismissed any talk about where to find anything.
My passwords, my email, my blogs--what will become of them if nobody knows about them?
I've told my kids about this blog, but do they ever come here?
Carrie Underwood, left, played Maria in a live stage production
of The Sound of Music. Julie Andrews, right, played Maria in
the 1965 movie.
I think it's because I acted and sang on stage. I was a theater major in college. I love to sing and act on stage. Before my accident, I was toying with the idea of joining the local theater group. Maybe, if I can ever walk decently again, I'll go back to that thought.
I was 10 or 11 years old when I first saw "The Sound of Music" movie. I went with the Girl Scouts. Mrs. Kardos, our troop leader, took us. That morning, I was so nervous, because we were travelling "all the way" to Philadelphia to see it--a big deal--that I threw up. My mom gave me paregoric. I don't know why. It's for diarrhea. She told me it would help me not throw up anymore. I didn't, so the psychology worked, I guess.
I can't remember if we carpooled or rode a bus. I just remember being in the theater and watching the movie and being totally enthralled with the music and acting. One of my favorite child stars, Angela Cartwright, was in it. She played Brigitta in the move. She was Linda Williams on "The Danny Thomas Show." I loved that show. I loved her. I can't believe that movie was made almost 50 years ago.
After the movie, my next-door-neighbor, Susan McGhee, found her parents had the album of the Broadway musical with Mary Martin. We would go down to her basement and pretend to be the characters and lip sync to the songs. I was always Liesl and she was always Rolf (she was older and bigger). I danced on two couches that we made into the gazebo scene from the movie. It makes me smile to think of that.
There were more songs and different songs in the stage production, and one of my favorites, "I Have Confidence" was written for the movie. I had forgotten the other Broadway songs until I saw the live TV production this month.
I think I get so choked up watching muscials because I see myself in them. I could have been Liesl. Later, I could have been Maria. I had the music book and learned all the songs and played and sang them. I cry just thinking about it now.
I want my kids to know how much that movie means to me. I secretly want them to love it as much as I do.